What If Control Isn’t About Doing More, But Less?

Because sometimes, control starts with subtraction.

We all have goals. And it’s great to have them.

But here’s the truth: most goals aren’t instantly attainable. I can want to make a million dollars. I can want to work at Google. But I can’t wake up tomorrow and just do it. That’s the nature of “wants” — they live in the future, always a few steps ahead.

But there’s something else — something that is instantly actionable.

The don’t wants.

There are things in life that you know, with certainty, you don’t want:

• You don’t want to go somewhere? Don’t go.
• Don’t want to talk to someone? Don’t talk.
• Don’t want to eat something? Don’t eat.

These may seem small, but this is where real control begins.

What drains us isn’t always the slow progress toward our dreams — it’s the constant burden of doing what we don’t want to do, every day. Over time, we burn out. We lose joy. And eventually, we lose sight of the very goals we were chasing.

But what if we flipped it?

What if we started by staying away from what drains us? What if, by removing what we don’t want, we cleared space for the things that actually make us happy? The people we want to be around. The work that gives us meaning. The choices that feel like us.

Sometimes life isn’t about chasing the positives. It’s about avoiding the negatives. Not everything has to be blindly optimistic. It’s okay to not be happy all the time. But it’s worth being less sad — less stuck.

Start there.

Take control in the only way you can right now.
If you can’t get what you want, at least let go of what you don’t.
That’s a step. And for now, it’s enough.